Thursday, February 18, 2016

Slow Fade

Hi! Welcome, I am so glad you are here.

I wanted to share a few things that I had been struggling with for some time. And recently felt the Lord laying it on my heart to share. Now, I am gonna be real transparent. There is no wishy washy, or sugar coating anything here.

Disclaimer: The Lord is working in me, and will continue to as I am a " Work in Progress".

I have been struggling for the past couple of months. I feel like I had gone 2 steps backwards and I was at a point in my life where I didn't care about anything anymore. Not suicidal, just was so broken. But even in that God still loved me still, and He was still with me along the way. It wasn't until this past weekend {Valentines, Feb 2016} that I was at one of closest friends house and we were fellow-shipping. I was sharing with her how I felt like I didn't care anymore, and while I was sharing that with her. I was saying to myself " How did you get here Adrienne?" And all that came to my mind was it's a "Slow Fade". Just like that worship song.

I had alot of things at once come at me the past couple of months, and I felt lonely {even though I wasn't}, I was depressed and spiritually malnourished. In my vulnerability the enemy used different things against me. My thoughts, my trials, my sins. He used many things against me and I felt like I didn't have the spiritual strength to fight, to get on my knees and fight.  And I believed all the lies he was telling me. But after sharing with my sweet friend the Lord used her and He began to speak to me. He peirced my heart. He was already working and had been, I was just being so rebellious.I felt like all these years being a Christian and being nice and how I felt God wanting me to. And here people {Christians} were hurting me left and right. I was broken hearted and felt defeated and weary.  I was at a point of a loss and at that point I was desperate to get out of my depression, out of my funk.

When my Dad got really sick a couple months ago, and with all the things that had happened the previous year and until now. I began to sink into a depression and was in the wilderness, I was lost. Now I didn't do anything drastic, this was all in my mental state. And my marriage was broken, my family, everything around me I felt was falling apart and i was letting it. It all was a HOT MESS. And I felt like I couldn't do anything to get out of it. I had no strength left in me to fight it.I used other things to bring me temporary joy and fullfillment, but it wasn't satisfying or fullfilling. and i knew it wasn't. It was not working at all.

But I serve a soverign God who loves me so much and only wants the best for me. He knew exactly what I needed to hear. Because I was in such a rebellious place {spiritually and mentally}.  I didn't want to pray, I didn't care if we went to church {that's a whole other story in itself}. I just felt like what for? I'm always gonna be let down, people are going to hurt me no matter what. I was being selfish, and ignoring the one who loved me the most. Jesus. Again I was listening to the lies from Satan.

It was time for something to change. After the conversation I had with my sweet friend we prayed and I felt God moving in my heart already. He was changing my heart and perspective. It was changing because I had made the choice to. I was ready. Its a choice we make every single day we can chose to follow Him or not. And I was choosing to not. How did I get here{I fearfully thought}? Very the title says it was a slow fade. If we let the things of this world, or certain circumstances get in the way we essentially are leaving our door to our heart right open. So satan can come in and destroy us. We must guard our hearts from his snares. We allow those things to take the place of God. And that's what I was doing.

A couple days before my conversation with my friend, we had rented the movie "WAR ROOM". As for the simple fact that nothing else was available. I had heard it was good, but never got the chance to watch it before then. So  I said to my daughter, "well lets watch it. It looks good and about people praying, I sure could use that right now". I didn't know what I was getting myself into. But God did and He knew I needed to watch it. I cried through the whole thing and felt like God was speaking right to the core of my {broken} heart. He revealed so much to me in that movie, I just could not explain it. He was moving in my heart, it was what my soul was crying out for. Then also with my friends conversation. My soul was sending God a 911 call. I was at my rock bottom, I didn't care anymore and was done with everything.

But God knew this was happening in my heart and with my silent prayer and my friend praying over me. And because I was willing to want to continue to go forward and fight. Then He is always willing and ready with His arms wide open. He is always waiting for us patiently, all we have to do is be willing. Let Go....and let God.

Only God can change your heart, no one else. Only Him. I wanted change in my heart and I wanted it bad.....but i felt I was to broken to get it. I wanted to be healed and set free.

My journey begins again, I may have taken a little detour, but God was right there with me.Leading and guiding me.  And I am back on the straight and narrow. I have been a Christ Follower for over 15 years now this year will be 16 on Easter.

Have you struggled in your walk before? Are you still struggling? Then let me encourage you by saying You Are Not Alone. We are in this together. There are so many people who struggle daily, with sin, with trials, with circumstances. ITs our actions and what we do with it. We can either run to God or the world. It's a choice....we must make on our own.

The Lord has laid it on my heart to do an on-line bible study group for Easter. If you are interested and want change in your life then will you join me?

We will begin Sun, February 28, 2016. If you are interested in joining. Please comment below and let me know and then send me your email address at

I will be posting a video soon on all the information for it here, and will let you know all the details. I really hope you will join in this new journey, as we seek the Lord fervently and hide his words in our hearts.

I will be praying for all of you. Know that God loves you and so do I.

May his love surround you this day. In Jesus name

Thanks for stopping by...
 CrafTEA Mom

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